no quilty chat today.....one year ago mom stepped on heaven's shore.....as she aged, every day we breathed a thankful prayer as she escaped dementia, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, loss of mobility, nursing home placement and mental decline, not imagining ugly cancer would invade that shocked and horrified us all. the day before she died it was early Sunday morning and i caressed her shoulder. she opened her eyes and i said "good morning sunshine, i love you" with a bare whisper she mouthed "i love you"...no more whispers after that.
yes, i still grieve and sometimes cry but it's normal, it's just because she was so dearly loved and is so dearly missed. grief has forever changed me. it shattered my heart that has yet to heal. grief is individual and a journey that takes however long it takes, but days now include more warm memories than tears.
when i meet or interact with people, i want them to see her. i want them to see qualities in me that she taught me, that would make her proud. she had many mothering regrets, but as a motherless child herself, her best was more than good enough. as the oldest, i'm now the family historian and now her glue to keep us together in a loving, edifying and compassionate way. it's what she would expect and how she taught me anyway.....thank you mom.
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A tearful anniversary . . . but you have so many memories to provide comfort.
ReplyDeleteI am sharing your tears....
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post
ReplyDeleteSending you hugs!
ReplyDeleteIt's lovely how time makes the good memories shine and the not so good memories fade. She was fortunate to have you as a daughter.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, Grace....
ReplyDeleteA tender post, Grace. Thank you for sharing these thoughts about your mother with us. God bless you (and I know He has).
ReplyDeleteYou will always miss your mother. Grief is the price of love. I can feel your longings because we who have had wonderful mothers want them to live on.
ReplyDeleteNow, all my mother's generation have passed on. She would have been 109 years old now! I am sure she is so glad she has passed! I have lost my grandparents, parents, and my youngest son. It is only my strong belief in the Resurrection that has healed me. Yet even then there are still some tears. I think it is only my quilt addiction and my grandchildren that keep me strong rooted to the earth right now. I gratefully live and am so engrossed in my daily doings. Now I want to live long enough to see my IRA rise again! Oh, the details of life...
Sending hugs to you sweet Grace. What a lovely tribute to her.
ReplyDeleteThis year will be forty years since my Mother passed. Half my life without her. In time the memories become treasures of the heart. I see bits of her in my son and granddaughter. So she still lives on. Hope your heart continues to heal and and may you be blessed in this season of Easter. Dotti in CT
ReplyDelete((((Hugs)))) Lovely that you could share this with us. Keep having those happy memories.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you Grace, as you mourn your mother, I hate to think about that happening.
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