a good day

when asked for his idea of a good day, a former POW replied, "any day there is a doorknob on the inside is a good day."  so by that criteria it is a good day here.  there are doorknobs on the inside, a car with gas and i have a key, a comfy bed and quilts under which to snuggle, a full refrigerator and plenty of electricity, endless cable channels and my trusty old viking.  i am keenly aware so many can't say the same and i'm thankful and happy to share when i can.  i am also ashamed to say i am devastatingly morose in spite of these visible comforts.  years ago i knowingly married an active, infantile, destructive alcoholic totally oblivious of the real life ramifications.  i was fortunate to escape after 11 years with divorce and my precious child.  i've been in maine nearly 11 years now and it's the same, albeit different misery.  despite glossy postcards of pristine beaches, reflective lakes and lush pines, my life here is anything but idyllic.  it's been 11 years of substandard healthcare, ignorant and denigrating employers resulting in chronic joblessness, isolation, endless winters and sporadic financial destitution with hardly any change in all this time.  i drown myself in quilting and online chats, but they are only temporary.  i sporadically hit the local pool to boost my endorphins and energy when weather permits.  sometimes i elope for a day or two to experience freedom from monotony.  i'm content to never marry again.  i only hope i'll be able to reclaim a content and meaningful lifestyle...and soon.