a blessed mom

that would be me... notice i didn't say perfect?  nope, plenty of mis-steps along the way but so proud of the woman my daughter has become.  beautiful, smart, gifted, funny, inquisitive, compassionate, sensitive....wouldn't trade her for anything!

this is the card i sent to my mom last year.   she loved forsythia blooming in the spring, not the neat, manicured type but branches that exploded with color and cascaded down to the ground.  it gave her such joy, and i was delighted to find this card for her.

she nearly always felt like being a mother was way above her pay grade, not ever having one herself.   she made every effort to be the kind of mother she wished she had.  i often told her she did that and more, but it never really squelched that deep down feeling of inadequacy.  i am so thankful she is now released from that feeling of failure.  

celebrating today?  then you are truly blessed.  far too many find today painful, full of grief, disappointment and unanswered prayer.  this year i'm one of them, along with other family members.  so please keep these people and me in mind, say a prayer that God would envelop us with His love and comfort.  

this by deborah culver:

what's happening

the design wall....

oh yes, i think the stripe will do quite nicely....busted nearly all of it on this small piece....and unearthed an oldie but goodie for the diamonds...

a yours truly plastic template dated 1979!  that is the year i started quilting, 45 years ago...omigosh has it been that long?  it would be sheer heaven if i had 45 more....

as if there weren't enough UFOs around, started this little piece.  the pattern was a gift; my birthday is in august.  somehow when i can't get motivated to sew, cross stitching seems give me an oomph

this should be a fairly quick finish and then into the duck it goes....or goose?  

my daughter made this in high school....it's filled with little stitchery projects on display....pretty clever of her i think...

and last but not least, if you see this charmer today, wish him happy birthday.  it's brother #1; his is the 2nd sibling birthday of the year.  lucky sis was the last to get a card from dear mom on march 1st....

here he is with my aunt's dog, mitzi, circa 1957....happy birthday bro!

a cat's tale....

 

today while quilting on this piece, found a boo boo....immediately set about to fix it and continue my efforts to get this done in may.  see the green cat in the top row?  does he look different to you?  me neither, until today that is.  with all that's been going on, no surprise that i missed it.  fast forward to today....

now he looks more like his fellow felines....the space between the tail and body was the issue.   a fussy fix but now done.  

and during last friday's quilt group, got this basted....

all hand pieced, now to be hand quilted and made entirely from stash.  that's a win/win/win in my book.  

happy that some of my mojo has resurfaced as days are long and uneventful.  i want to go someplace where there's no sadness but it doesn't exist.  so i'll stay put and tough it out and wait for better days.  they do come eventually so i'm told.  

the gift

here is me, age 9, wearing a dress mom made for me.  there was also a red plaid with a lace-trimmed peter pan collar, both using a borrowed machine.  the year was 1958 and she didn't own a machine until 1961.  today that machine is still running like new and used by me.  

nearly 67 years ago mom sent me to 4-H to learn to sew.  she was busy with a toddler and a new baby and hadn't the time.  once a week after school, the bus dropped me off at mrs. bryant's house; my dad picked me up later.   using the singer teaching materials, i learned machine basics and how to guide the needle.  homework consisted of an unthreaded needle following lined diagrammed papers of concentric circles or squares.  mom often said she never dreamed this would ignite the spark of a life-long passion.

fast forward in the blink of an eye, going back to the machine in my grief has provided a desperately needed peace, thanks to a couple of quilty peeps with their own kind of fire.  there were tears but phoebe didn't mind, she just kept on at a soothing, comforting pace,  so what did i sew? 

six more blue album blocks joined the pile, now grown to number 17....lots more to make of course, but they do sew up fast, after a marathon of block prep that is.  

this is them....and what else?

was gifted a stack of BIG kaffe hexagons....most were warm colors but a few blue, so pulled them out to play with.  my zoomer pals came up with a couple of ideas but thought i would start with this....found a few backgrounds in my personal kaffe stash to audition...my personal fave is the stripe...the two left backgrounds are way too light to compete with the big florals.  i have enough of the stripe for the setting pieces,  click on the photo to see up close and personal...in his december fabric release--kaffe fassett meets william morris--there is a lovely leaf print of white with a touch of magenta...can i hold off that long?  oh, i think i have enough to keep me busy until then.  stay tuned....

we are in a rainy spell again here...need to double efforts to stay out of an emotional sinkhole without the sunshine to cheer me.  sending missives heavenward for comfort and cheer....

new month, new challenge

may is here and with it a new challenge....deana pulled #5 on our challenge list and this is mine...

5.  start a new wall quilt 'blue plate special'....was gifted several blue scraps and a plan is formulated

have revised the plan a bit since i've already started the blue album/chimney sweep blocks.  i'll simply continue along making blocks and perhaps if my mojo ramps up, i can have a flimsy this month.  i am also going to fit in some of the dargate basket blocks, since i was an utter april failure with this challenge.  

have done a bit of applique on a UFO, gotten 'tuscan starburst' ready to baste but that's about the only sewing going on here...at home when tasks are done, mostly ruminate and stare out the window or lie in bed trying to escape.  fortunately, today's a busy day with events planned to occupy my mind and heart....

a missive

 

this is absolutely true!  i confess have hardly picked up a needle in the past six weeks....only after my heart surgery did i abandon sewing for this long.  this recent time was a different kind of heart surgery without a fix...still busy wrapping up mom's affairs, copying pictures for siblings, catching up on exercise and rest.  the hot weather is here for a day or two and will be inside with a/c running.  

i've also been decluttering....looking around apartment with new eyes, er rather my daughter's eyes, to see what can go and how to maximize space.  getting rid of stuff doesn't do anything to fill the grand canyon-size void in my life these days, tho.  just trying to keep occupied and create a new normal for my life.  

and the chookshed challenge for april?  a total bust....so back on the list go the dargate baskets appliques...sigh

in the hoop

 

finally got my sew along cats basted and in the hoop--quilting has begun!  the deadline is may so shouldn't be a problem to get it done.   then i'll be putting it up for sale...enjoyed the challenge but not something i'd keep for myself.

my mom had done a cross-stitch sampler, finished and framed--sort of.  i took it out of the frame and brought it home to make into a wall quilt.  she finished it, but again, wasn't overly fond of all those x's....found them boring...LOL!

knitting was really her thing.  she made me several things, and her favorite things to knit were complicated patterns.  but i am happy to have this....

spring today but summer all next week it appears, temps in the mid to high 80s....summer clothes all ready and popsicles in freezer!  

hello crewel world

eons ago gave my mom this crewel kit, but apparently it wasn't her cup of tea and never got finished.  hardly even started, in fact.  so this very ancient UFO came home with me and will get finished at some point.  

it's a lovely classic kit from elsa williams needlework....raise your hand if you recognize that name from the past!  turns out i liked it more than she did.   

in my early online quilting life i was in a swap with a woman named kay aycock aka cozy kitten from texas.  we swapped 30s tulips blocks, signature blocks, and at the time i included one block from my mom that she signed, telling her she would always be with me that way.  

the fabrics were given to me by dear friend marianne....she offered "scraps" but what she sent was a large box of a huge collection of 30s fabrics, all brand new.  i made four quilts from that box and still have a few bits left.  

and after cleaning out mom's place, i came home with a new and stronger resolve to declutter my own.  already 3 bags are ready for the thrift.  i am offering this book and CD to my blog followers for FREE for postage only if you please.  i've made some blocks and would be happy to send those along also if you desire.  EQ is required to print out the remaining foundation patterns, but some i printed are inside the book.  

slowly getting back to normal here, helped along by exercise and getting good sleep.  trying to stay busy to squelch the loneliness of not chatting with mom every day.  i dreamt about her last night and she told me nobody comes to visit anymore...not sure what that means....but it is true.  

small start

sunday took a tiny foray back into sewing, cutting up more blues for my album quilt blocks....

a pitiful effort but a start nonetheless...hoping more will be prepped today along with the muslin background pieces.  

getting closer to my usual routine with the larder stocked and plans to restart gym visits..laundry next!  first griefshare meeting was difficult but supportive.  in reflective moments, so thankful to a merciful God who answered two of mom's long-term prayers and spared her a long period of suffering--prompts me to extend that same mercy to others.  and among her belongings was a photo i had never seen....

no info on the back, but guessing she was 16 or 18 maybe?  being an only child meant  formal portraits were taken of her at various times, precious reminders of her classic beauty.  her hair remained blonde until her last breath, a genetic gift from scandinavian ancestry no doubt.  *** among her keepsakes were a few letters her mother wrote in early 1929 when she was ill...we read them with astonishment at getting to meet our maternal grandmother through her newsy correspondence to family and tidbits about our mom when she was a toddler....priceless!  she died shortly after when my mother was age 2.  our gratitude was overflowing that God granted my mother, a motherless child, so many years with us her children--a true gift indeed.

a new normal

while in maine, all plans for sewing progress were abandoned but a bit of stitchery did get accomplished....

one of those projects that gets attention now and then....for a finish whenever.  now that back home in MD, it'll get set aside again while adjusting to a new kind of life.  

said goodbyes to my now smaller family with a lobster roll lunch, hugged and kissed with a new ferocity now that we start life without our touchstone and anchor and with fragility of life's reality.  i have already signed up with bereavement support, hoping for guidance on how to live without my mom.  would not wish her back, and having her for almost 75 years was a huge blessing never taken for granted.  woke up in my own bed feeling isolated, alone, adrift, frozen, and still quite devastated at such a huge loss.  unpacking and groceries need to be done, but i just want to curl up with quilts over me and pray for some magic wand to make it all go away....

I praise You, loving God, that no valley is deeper than Your love.